Overanalyzing Symptoms

Okay - So I really think I'm going crazy! Tomorrow will be 1 week since the IUI and I am totally convinced I'm having symptoms. My boobs have been sore since the trigger shot but don't you think they'd be getting less sore as the trigger shot wore off instead of more sore. They were absolutely killing me yesterday and today. I can't even cross my arms in front of my chest. Then this morning I found a bunch of ewcm when I wiped. I thought "What the?????" I check in with the newest symptom on AB and lo and behold, several of the already pregnant girls said that was an early symptom before their BFP.
I said it before. Something just feels different about this month. I am just so totally convinced that I'm pregnant. It's really going to kill me if I'm not.

The waiting sucks!!!!

My boobs started hurting the day after the hcg shot (Sunday) and they've been off and on for the entire week. Today (Saturday, 8/19) - they're killing me!!!!! You'd think that 7days after the trigger shot, the hormone would be wearing off some. This leads me to believe the unthinkable (you know what!!!!). I've also had a wierd feeling in behind my bellybutton. Not really a cramp but more like pressure. I've felt different "down there" all week and things just feel different this time. Of course I injected myself full of hormones for 10 days and then had Wayne's guys shot directly into my uterus through a catheter shoved up my hoo-ha. I'm not sure how I'm going to survive this next week. At least I have lots of stuff to keep me busy getting ready for school. Will this keep my mind off it --- of course not but it will keep my busy.

The Big Day!!!!

I didn't sleep worth a crap last night. Wonder why???? I ended up taking a shower and falling back to sleep for an hour. I still managed to get ready and was just about 15 minutes behind Wayne. He was finished with his stuff about 10 minutes after I got there. We got a drink and then I walked out to the car with him. Then I waited for 2 more hours until they were ready for me. Good thing I didn't have anything planned for today:-)
I've been very crampy since I got up this morning. The nurse said that's good. It means that I've got some eggies hatching!! The whole IUI procedure lasted about 15 minutes and then I laid on the exam table for another 10 before going (gotta let the boys get some swimming done!)
BIGGEST NEWS OF THE DAY-------
I was on the phone with Wayne as I was leaving the hospital. He was telling me how wierd the whole experience was. I can imagine - having to do your stuff in a little room at the dr's office. Now the big one --- and I quote ---He said "Don't think I'm not excited about this because I am (!!!!!!). I just didn't like doing that in there." Did the almighty Wayno just admit to being excited about the prospect of becoming a daddy? I just about passed out! I'm more convinced than ever that this has to be the month. God wouldn't give me a sign like that and then have me not be pregnant - right?
Now I've got to make it through the Longest 2ww EVER!!!!! I've got stuff to do to get ready for school but not enough to keep my mind of the possibilities.

Sunday, August 13

I feel like crap today. My belly is a wreck. I think it's a mixture of nerves and left over side effects of the Follistim (lovely!). I decided to POAS (pee on a stick - take a pg test) this morning just to see what a positive looks like. The trigger shot that we did last night is pure HCG (the hormone that pregnancy tests predict). It turned out positive. I know it's not "real" but it sure was pretty. After taking so many pregnancy tests throughout the past year, seeing one with 2 lines was kind of nice. I'm just hoping I still see two lines two weeks from now.

Follie Scan #3

Saturday, August 12, 2006
I have to go to the main outpatient lab for bloodwork so I get there nice and early. There's nobody there. I'm in and out and 45 minutes early for my appointment! I sign in and they're able to take me and get things started. Good sign!
The results ---
left ovary - 5 follies (18mm,16mm,14mm,13mm,11mm)
right ovary - 2 follies - that he counted (14mm,14mm)
E2 = 1159
Dr. Wittmaack tells me that we're ready to go! They want the dominant follicle to be at least 18mm. They'll continue to grow at a rate of 1-2mm per day until they're released. The trigger shot will release everything over 12mm (that are considered "ripe") At this rate, I'll have at least 6 released with a possibility of 4 or 5 being considered mature.
We're supposed to do the trigger shot tonight and the IUI will be on Monday morning.
Wayne goes in at 8:30 to give his sample and the IUI takes place around 10. I'm going to consider myself pregnant until proven otherwise after Monday:-)

Follie Scan #2

Thursday, August 10, 2006
The bloat is still there. Things must be working!
Results ---
left ovary - 4 follies (14mm,13mm,12mm,10mm)
right ovary - 3 follies (11mm,10mm,10mm)
E2 = 536
Stay on 200iu of the follistim for the next two nights. I go back Saturday. Dr. Wittmaack thinks that Saturday might be "the day"!

Follie scan #1

August 7, 2006
I go in for my ultrasound and bloodwork. I started feeling very bloated on Sunday. The nurse said "Good! It's working." Ok - I can deal with the bloat if it's going to get me a baby.
My results ---
left ovary - 3 follies 10mm, 9mm, 7mm
right ovary 3 follies 8mm, 8mm, 6mm
E2 level = 236
I'm supposed to remain on the 200iu of Follistim each night and come back on Thursday morning.

Let the games begin!

Giving yourself shots in the belly everyday is not nearly as hard as you'd think it would be. I become a pro in a matter of days. I'm going to give myself an injection of 200iu of the Follistim every evening for the next 4 days. I go in on Monday, August 7 for my next follie scan and bloodwork.

Injectables Training

It's August 2 (happy birthday Min!). We've just started month #12 in our ttc journey. Never in a million years did I though it would have taken this long and ended up like this. We go to the fertility clinic for our injectables training, ultrasounds and bloodwork. I get there first for the u/s and b/w. I have one tiny follicle and my E2 levels are low. We're ready to go!
Wayne gets there around 9:30 and the training gets underway. The pen is a really nifty little gadget. I'm sure Wayne would be much more fascinated with it if it weren't costing us so much money! I get to practice doing a subQ shot of saline and Wayne gets to practice the butt shot for when we have to do the hcg trigger shot.
I put another $1300 on the Visa today. At Geisinger, you have to pay up front for all fertility treatments since there are so many insurance plans out there that do not pay anything. We'll get reimbursed for everything (except copays for each time I have to go in) once the cycle is done and the insurance payments come back. Wayne is freaking out again.
The shots start tomorrow. Am I ready to do this?

We order the injectables

We get the meds ordered from Franklin Drug Co. in Philly. Cost = $1240. Wayne (again) freaks! It's a little more than what we were expecting but there's no turning back now. The big box of meds arrives by FedEx at Waynes office. When I open it, it's like some freaky, derranged Christmas. I rip open the box and pull out vials of meds, needles, syringes. WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?????

Injectables - Wayne Panics

We start researching the whole injectables thing. My insurance will cover the IUI and all related ultrasounds and bloodwork but not the meds. YIKES!!!! Some of the girls on AB are telling me about the thousands of dollars they spent on meds. Wayne, needless to say, is freaked!
Maybe we'll get pregnant on our own? NOPE!!! Because of the stress of this whole thing plus the fact that Charlie got really sick right at ovulation time --- there was NO SEX this month. Looks like we'll definitely be doing the shots!
I start freaking out about everything because Wayne is freaking out. We go back and forth between Bravelle and Follistim. Turns out the difference in cost only amounts to a couple of hundred dollars. We decide to go with the Follistim. It's slightly more expensive but the injections are done with a "pen" subcutaneously rather than intramuscularly (butt shots) Wayne is expecting the meds to be in the neighborhood of $800 or so. He says to go for it!
My period arrives and I call the fertility clinic to get things set up.

The SHG

It's now the middle of July. We're on month #11 of this whole ttc business. I schedule the appointment for the SHG and I'm assured by the nurse that this is nothing compared to the HSG. Again, mom decides she needs to go along with me. There's a medical student with Dr. Wittmaack today - Do I mind if he is in the room? What the hell! So many people have seen my coochie in the past year, what's another? The test isn't as bad. It's done right in the office. Again, the speculum and catheter is put in. This time, instead of dye, they inject me with saline. Then they take those tools out and do an internal ultrasound. Good news!! The mystery mass is not there. It must have been just an air bubble. He also doesn't see any signs of the cysts.
He thinks it's time to start an injectables/IUI cycle.

The HSG

Mom decides that she needs to go with me to this appointment. I've got class that night in Bloomsburg. She doesn't care. She'll sit around for 3 hours if she has to (turns out she went to the mall instead). She doesn't want me going alone.
I take 5 advil about an hour before my appointment. They recommended that to help with any cramping that may occur. I get to the outpatient radiology department and get a lovely hosptal robe on. The x-ray tech takes me back to the room. My stomach is going crazy with nerves. I get up on the table and in walks Dr. Wittmaack. He's a sweetie. He does his best to make me a little more comfortable.
First they stick in the speculum adn then a catheter. Then the dye is squirted in. OH THE PAIN!!! If felt like someone was cutting me. Definitely one of the more miserable things I've gone through lately. Good news is my tubes are clear. Bad news is that he saw a "mystery mass" down near the bottom of my uterus. WHAT??????
We go back to his office to discuss things. He wants me to come in after my next period to get another test (SHG) done. In the meantime we're to try on our own. Sometimes people get pregnant after the HSG because any "gunk" is blown out.
We try and try this month. I even ovulated all on my own!!! It must be a sign. We timed things just right again. ANOTHER BFN:-(

Going to the Fertility Clinic

Wayne and I head to the appointment with Dr. Wittmaack at Geisinger. We get asked a billion and one questions, he does an internal exam (Wayne was in the room for that with his face burried behind a magazine!). He feels that I might be a good candidate for injectable meds. HOLY CRAP!!! First thing we have to do though is get a HSG test scheduled. Luckily, they're able to fit me in the following Tuesday (just getting it in the necessary cycle day window). Otherwise we'd have to wait another month.

May 2006

We decide to try the IUI. I'm doing 200mg of Clomid again. Hot flashes abound. I go in about half way through my cycle for a follicle scan (my first experience with an internal u/s -- how fun!) The ultrasound guy said that I should stay and see Dr. Morris. I call school and tell them I'll be back late because I have to wait for the dr. I'm told to come back around 11:00 to see him. I go home and wait a while and then get a phone call that I should come in around 1:00. Dr. Morris is in surgery and should be back by then. I figure I'd better call school back and tell them I won't be in at all today. Now we wait.....
I get back to the office at 1:00. Dr. Morris is still in surgery. He knows I'm there. He cancelled all of his appointments today and is coming in just to see me. I have a feeling that it's going to be time to do this. After waiting another hour and a half or so, he finally gets over to the office to see me. I've got a bunch of cysts all over both ovaries. So no IUI:-( I'm crushed. The cysts are there from previous cycles. Probably becuase I haven't ovulated since February. We decide that Clomid is not the drug for me and he sets up an appointment at the Fertility Clinic at Geisinger in Danville.

April 2006

Trying again. 200mg Clomid this time. The side effects have reached the point of being brutal. I made a comment to Krista(the 6th grade teacher) at school about how she shouldn't be surprised if I just take my shirt off sometime during the week because of the hot flashes. Just so happens that Cory(5th grade teacher and resident perv:-) is walking down the hall at the time. (This is after school - no kiddies around). He gets all excited and wants to join in on the game.
We reach what should be ovulation time. Had the LH surge. Didn't ovulate. Now I'm really getting annoyed. Is this ever going to happen?
Dr. Morris asks if I've considered IUI (intrauterine insemination aka - artifical insemination). Wow! That sounds a little scary. That's something I have to think about. I go home and start to do research along with checking things out with my insurance company.

March 2006

OK - so we'll try 150 mg of Clomid again since I did ovulate last month. We start trying. I'm still temping. I don't ovulate! This is pissing me off!!! I wait around for my period to come and go back to Dr. Morris. Have I said that this is pissing me off?

February 2006

So we move to 150mg of Clomid. The side effects keep getting better. I feel like I'm on fire sometimes at school and it's the middle of winter in Pennsylvania. YUCK!!! But if it gets me a baby, I'll take the side effects. Good news! I ovulated this time. We keep trying. Things are timed perfectly. How perfect is this? I would have gotten pregnant around Valentine's day. It must be happening this time. WRONG! Another BFN:-(

January 2006

Month number 2 of Clomid (100mg this time). The side effects of this stuff are terrible! Major hot flashes, moodiness - it feels like how people describe menopause. I figure the stuff must be working. I'm using ovulation predictor tests, I'm getting the LH surge. Good stuff. Well, guess what? I didn't even ovulate this time. GRRRR!!!!! Dr. Morris says that's ok. It's normal for women to have a month here and there where they don't ovulate. We decide to bump up to 150mg.

December 2005

I go to see Dr. Morris. He suggests Clomid (50mg). I think "Great!!!" This will be the extra push I need! I take the Clomid days 5-9 of my cycle and start charting my BBT each day. I'm excited. I just know I'm going to get pregnant this month!!! I figure between the Clomid and the fact that I'd be due in September - just in time for the beginning of school - no problem. WRONG!!! Another BFN:-(

September - November 2005

We start trying!!! We're having lots of sex and things are going well. Unfortunately, everytime I test it's a BFN:-( I didn't expect things to be this hard. My mom got pregnant 5 times in 6 and a half years. Wayne's mom got pregnant while on birth control 3 different times! What is wrong with me?
I have an appointment with Dr. Morris coming up in December. I don't know whether or not to keep it. It was supposed to be our "come back after 6 months" appointment. It's only been 3. I decide to keep the appointment. The worst he can say is "come back in 3 more months".

Wayne's not so cooperative

We spend the next six months in limbo. Wayne decides he's not really ready and doesn't want me to force him into having a baby. I spend these six months getting more and more depressed. I spend a lot of time crying and we fight way more than normal.
Finally, after what seems like a lifetime, Wayne agrees to start trying in September 2005.

February 2005

I make the dr's appointment. We get my blood pressure and anti-anxiety meds changed to ones that would be compatible with pregnancy. We visit the OB/GYN (Dr. Morris). Wayne questions the poor man like crazy. My favorite -- "What are your credentials?" We decide to go off the pill. YIPEE!!!! We're on our way!!!

November 2004

We're on our one year anniversary/honeymoon in Playa del Carmen Mexico. While laying on the beach, we start discussing when we should start trying to have a baby. Wayne said to make the appointment with my dr to make sure any meds that I'm on are safe and then we'll go off the pill. Great! I'm thrilled!